Life is all about Choices

Bear with me while I go on this little rant and tirade for a moment.

I get so sick and tired of people telling me...

"I just don't understand why this keeps happening to me."
or
"I prayed about it and God doesn't want me to."
or
"I don't understand why things in my life stay the same."
or
"I can't get my kids to stop whining, they just complain all the time."
or
"I have no choice but to stay at this dead end job, where no one appreciates me."
or
"I am always so tired, I never get to bed on time."

REALLY? C'mon people! Life is all about choices!!! Most of the things that happen to us are completely under our control! Now, I know that sometimes things happen that we can not control, but how we react to them is OUR choice.

I have said for a very long time that life is all about choices - and that the choice rules the chooser.  I have lived by this principle for as long as I can remember!

You have a choice when you wake up if you want to be happy or grumpy. You have a choice of what to wear.  You have a choice whether or not you want to go to work, or take your children to school, or teach them at home in my case. Now, you might be saying, "Hold on a second, I don't have a choice to work, if I don't work, we can't pay bills." But, my friend, that is the perfect example of how your choices affect your life.  You do have a choice to go to work and the choice you make will rule your life. If you choose to work, you will have a pay check. If you choose not to, you will not have a pay check and not be able to pay bills, buy groceries, etc.  But the most important thing to remember is: THAT IS A CHOICE!!!!

We might not always like the choices we have to face, however we need to take ownership of them! You made the choice... now deal with it - so to speak!

OK, enough ranting!!

I use this simple principle of taking responsibility for our choices to teach my children just about everything. They make good choices and get rewarded - poor choices usually end in consequences.  So simple - and yet so hard for even adults to understand!  Much of my parenting style is based on the principles of "Parenting with Love and Logic" by Foster Cline and Jim Fay.  They teach that it is important to give children choices. My 6 year old son hates to wear pants or a jacket. (He is almost always in shorts and a t shirt) Before we go out in the cold weather, I gently remind him, "Did you know it is really cold and rainy outside? Do you think you might want to grab a jacket?" He says, "No, I'll be fine." And later, when he is cold and complaining, I will remind him that it was his choice to not bring a jacket. He doesn't have much to say after that since it was his choice. Next time, it is pretty much a guarantee he will have something warmer on!! 

Now, I know, I have heard it from my own friends and family - isn't it our responsibility as a parent to make sure our kids have a coat or are dressed properly?  Sure, which is why I reminded my son that it was cold outside.  But, I ask you this - If you are constantly telling your child what to wear, how to act, what to think, what to do... are they actually learning life long lessons? Lessons about choice - that the choices they make affect them... good or bad. 

I like to let my children choose many things in their lives, many things that I simply have decided are not worth a battle. At the same time, when I have to make a decision for them, they are more respectful toward my choices. I remind them, that although they get to make many decisions throughout the day, this one is up to Mom or Dad. There is usual little fuss when this occasion arises!

I want my kids to be able to make appropriate decisions when they are older and Mom or Dad are not around. That first time a kid tries to talk them into doing something they know is wrong and will result in consequences, I want my kids to be able to think for themselves... and I pray every day that God will help them to make good choices in those situations. One of the choices we use in our house is: Is that a Godly choice or a Worldly choice? (more on this in a future blog)

I also tell my kids that I may not always agree with the choices they make, however I will always love them. I say this to them constantly, but especially after they have gotten in trouble for a poor choice. This puts my anger or disappointment that they might be feeling on their choice and my love onto them!! This was something my parents said to me as a teenager and I have never forgotten it or the way it made me feel!!

A year ago, my family went through one of the most difficult experiences of our lives. One I would never wish upon anyone. The situation was much easier to explain to my children when they realized that it was a result of poor choices. They knew that bad things happened, bad choices had been made which resulted in some serious consequences. They understood that although the person's poor choices was and is still affecting them, they also had a choice on how to react. We could sit around crying all the time (which, trust me, I did plenty of crying) or we could pick up and move on toward healing our family.

Although we are still being affected by this person's poor choices, we are surviving and trying to make a difference in the world. Isn't that the most we can ask for? I believe it is a parent's responsibility to raise kids to become responsible adults. I strive in every situation to find the lesson learned. How could we have done better? Or what made it turn out so well? When I am wrong, I tell my kids so and I apologize to them. I own up to my mistakes so that they can see we all make mistakes! We all make poor choices once in a while - but how are you going to move forward from there?

Another example that I found quite interesting was when a friend of mine was going through a divorce and we were talking about choices. She said to me, "But, you don't understand, this wasn't my choice. I love my husband and the last thing I wanted was for this to happen." My response to her? "Well, then I guess you shouldn't have cheated on him. THAT was the choice that is now affecting your life." She was a little shocked - but sometimes the truth hurts. (I tend to be a realist and just tell it like it is!)

Are you making the wrong choices? Maybe you are in a dead end job but feel like you have no where else to go. I'm not telling you to up and quit, but maybe its time to start sending out resumes or go back to school. Or now that it is the holiday season - a season of giving which usually means spending more than we have - maybe you need to take a serious look at your Christmas shopping list. Do you need to rack up credit cards to buy all the gifts you want to give?  Maybe you need to really consider cutting back! Maybe your kids can make gifts - ones from the heart are much more dear in my family!! Your long and costly shopping list is a CHOICE!!! So after you have maxed out your credit cards don't whine and complain about it! You made the choice. Hmmmm... just sayin!

Take some time to start looking at your daily choices and owning up to the decisions you make whether large or small. Some choices are harder than others... I know!! But think about everything you do... it IS your choice! And how you react to other people's choices is up to you! Own up to it! Suck it up! And take the time to teach your children that what they do is a choice.

Just ask my kids and they will tell you...

LIFE IS ALL ABOUT CHOICES!! 

Now go out and choose wisely!