journey of self discovery

June 7, 2011 (excerpt from my journal)

Up early, not as early as I had hoped, but still early.  Must be up before the others to get my day started, otherwise, my day never seems to get started.  Have to jump in the shower immediately or I never seem to get one, at least not without 100 interruptions while I am trying to condition my hair and shave my legs. 

It is still quiet.  I love opening my bedroom door and smelling the aroma of the freshly brewed coffee wafting from my kitchen down the hall.  I can’t wait for that first cup!!  The house is still asleep, but I can hear the stirrings of my teenage stepson waking up.  He greets me with, “Happy Morning.”  He is happy that today is his last day of school… last day of 8^th grade.  I can’t believe he is 14 and going into high school.  My how time flies!!

I have already perused my emails, had a partial cup of coffee and now am awake enough to start my devotions.  I am currently reading through “The 52 Greatest Stories of the Bible” by Kenneth Boa and John Alan Turner.  This book is incredible.  It is a daily, Monday thru Friday, read.  It has changed my spiritual thinking and increased growth in my relationship with Christ dramatically!  I look forward to my daily ritual and have to control my thoughts to read ahead and instead reflect on what lesson the Holy Spirit is teaching me today…  On to the Word, where God always seems to speak straight to my heart.  I love starting my day this way, it seems to make the day start off right….  I am armed and ready for what the world brings my way.

As the others wake up, I am torn away from my journaling and have to become Mom.  So it is a few hours later – after morning hugs, breakfast, a walk, diaper changes, getting kids dressed, baby down for a nap, on and on that I am able to sit down to my journal again.  I have many things to accomplish today and yet I find the need to take care of myself is more pressing.  Laundry, cleaning, mending, etc;  it can wait.

I am trying to be “in the present.”  A great idea… Hard thing to accomplish.  But, I try.  What is it that my children think of me?  Do they truly know how much I love them?  How I worry?  How I pray for them?  Does my husband know that I can’t live without him and would never want to try?  By living in the moment I hope that my family will know these as simply as they know that the sun rises and sets each day. 

I am on a journey of self discovery…. And it starts today.

My brethren, count it all joy when you fall into various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces patience. But let patience have its perfect work, that you may be perfect and complete lacking nothing.   James 1:2-4 (NKJV)