Walking Towards the Light

I am always the last one to head off to bed. One more room to check, door to lock, cat to let out - or in. One more thing to check off my list for the day. I work best at night. I craft better at night. I get more done at night. What can I say... I am totally a night owl! And this often leaves me fumbling around in the dark so I don't wake anyone.

One of these nightowlish nights, when I was wide awake and the rest of the house slept peacefully, I went downstairs to make sure everything was turned off, heaters turned down, the door was locked. I flicked on the kitchen light. There was just enough light behind me, that I could barely see as I walked through the dining room to get to the family room. We had just moved, so I wasn't completely confident as to where all the furniture was placed. As I moved further and further away from the kitchen and the light, I became more unsure of my footing. I knew there were a couple steps down to the family room and I walked slowly, tentatively placing my foot down with each step before me. I reached out with my hands, feeling empty space in front of me to make sure I didn't crash into the wall. I am happy to say I made it - which is a feat unto itself. I tend to be quite klutzy!!

After tidying up and locking the door, I turned around and headed back in the opposite direction. Through the dining room and toward the kitchen, where the light was shining bright. I walked quickly, taking big strides. Confident of where I was going. Light was spilling out in front of me. And it hit me.... it is so much easier to walk toward the light than it is to walk away from it.

I could see everything that was in front of me. Everything was clear. It was the same amount of light. Nothing had changed. The light had been so dim when it was at my back, and I walked with uncertainty and timidity through the same room.

This reminds me so much of my walk with Christ. When I am walking towards Him, by spending time with Him each day, I am much more sure of my footing, more sure of the direction I am going. When I get too busy to read my Bible and pray, my path seems so much more uncertain.

There are times in my life when I have found myself walking away. Moving further and further away from God's light. These are the times I am sucked into the darkness. About 5 years ago, my family suffered through a horribly tragic event. I couldn't pray. I couldn't read God's word. I was suffering in darkness. And it was lonely there. I was uncertain. I was reaching into the darkness with my hands stretched out in front of me, and felt nothing. Just emptiness. My feet didn't know which way to go. Every step was uncertain.

I asked fellow believers to pray for me. For us. But I couldn't do it. I couldn't pray. Honestly, I wanted to be in the dark. I was so angry with God for allowing such horrific things to happen to us. I didn't want to see light. For six months, I relished the darkness that had swallowed me whole. Until a friend reached into the darkness and lit a tiny spark in front of me. This friend told me that God would create something from all of this pain. He would use this tragedy and make beauty from the ashes. He could use this horrific thing, and make it a part of His purpose. His plan.

Light draws me in. Numerous times, I have caught myself staring into the flames. Entranced by the flickering light and shadows in a campfire or wood stove. Just drinking in the colors, the beauty, the warmth that emerges from the light.

I could finally see a tiny speck of light. I could see this little spark that my friend was waving in front of my face. And I wanted to reach out to the light. I started listening to Christian music again. I read my Bible. I was able to walk towards the light once more. Finally, I talked to God... mostly through tears, anger, pain, screaming why over and over again, until it became easier to see God's bright light on my path once more.

God was always there shining His light. I was the one that turned away. And He loves me so much, that He just kept shining His light. And waiting. He was waiting for me to turn around. He was waiting for me to see Him there. To see His light. To walk towards it. He didn't care how far I had gone. He just kept shining His light, so that when I was ready to see clearly again, He could light my way.

Now, my walk is closer to my Heavenly Father than it has ever been before. I rely on His light to light my path. I no longer ask Him "why", but instead I ask Him "what" and "how". What can I learn from this? How is He changing my heart? How will He use this? What can I do to help shine His light for others?

I still don't know exactly how God plans to use the events in our life as part of His plan. But I know that as long as I am walking towards Him, my walk is easier. As long as I keep His light in front of me, I can feel the warmth, the love, the grace that He freely gives to me. I can see the reflections of his colors and beauty all around me.

His light draws me in, and I want to keep moving towards Him.


Here are some of the scriptures that have helped me overcome difficult times...

Psalm 119:105 Your word is a lamp unto my feet and a light unto my path.

Psalm 130:5 I wait for the Lord, my soul waits, and in His word I do hope.

Psalm 119:114 You are my hiding place and my shield, I hope in your word.

Psalm 30:2 O Lord my God, I cried out to you, and you healed me.

Psalm 30:5b Weeping may endure for a night, but joy comes in the morning.

James 1:2-4 Consider it pure joy my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you my be mature and complete, not lacking anything.

Psalm 16:11 You will show me the path of life; In your presence is fullness of joy; At your right hand are pleasures forevermore.

The Best Compliment

Today, I was paid the best, most wonderful compliment that anyone can give me.

Who doesn't love compliments? I do...

Especially ones about my children, cooking, crafts, art, etc.

(Although I don't take compliments well.... I'm working on that!)

The one I received today, tops them all!

I was complimented on my "evident walk with Christ."

This person said it was obvious how close I was to the Lord and that I was filled with the Holy Spirit.

By the way I was speaking, he could tell that I had a very personal, up front, up close, walk with my Savior!

I love it when someone can see that!
 

Although, I have to admit, this very personal and very close walk with Jesus...

 did not come easily.
 

I have gone through some extremely hard times...

several traumatic and tragic events have happened to my family.

It took these horrible events and the many, many aftershocks that followed,

(It has been four years and we are still dealing with the after effects of this tragedy!)

to strip me completely of myself and bring me to a place where Jesus was all I had.

At one point, I wanted to end it all.

I didn't want to live here on earth anymore where such horrible and cruel things could happen to "good" people,

to innocent children.

I was done with this place!!!

I figured why not start my eternity a little earlier... better than this joint!

I am so glad I didn't do that!!!

I can see more clearly now.... 
 

At first, I was so angry with God that I did not speak to Him for six months!

NOT ONE WORD!! 

I was too mad at Him for allowing this to happen.

And... if I prayed about it...

it would mean that it really did happen. 

I was in denial.  

I asked people to pray for me and my family, simply because I could not.

It was during this dark time that a friend said to me,

"Sometimes you just need to climb right up onto our Savior's lap, and cry and cry while he comforts you."

And this is what I finally did...

over and over again.

I spent hours and hours in prayer and reading God's word.

 

Psalm 1:2

But his delight is in the law of the Lord

And in His law he meditates day and night.

 

I would sob until I had no more tears, then be still, letting my Savior comfort me...

Until the waterworks started again.

I couldn't sleep anyway, so I would talk to God... sometimes all night.

At first I prayed, "WHY? WHY? WHY?"

It was when my prayer changed to "What?" that my walk with my Savior began to change.

I realized that God was going to take this tragedy that happened to my family, this horrendous thing that almost broke me,

 and He was going to use it for something amazing. 

I began to pray differently,

"What can I learn? What can I do to help others? 

How are You, oh Magnificent Heavenly Father, going to make such a horrendous tragedy into something beautiful?"

James 1:2-4
My brethren, count it all joy when you fall into various trials,
knowing that the testing of your faith produces patience.
But let patience have its perfect work,
that you may be perfect and complete, lacking nothing.
 

Before all of this happened, I used to think I was doing ok...

teaching my kids "stories" from the Bible.

Teaching them what it means to be a Believer, a follower of Christ.

Now I know, that there is so much more.

Now, my children see me turn to the Lord on a regular basis...

many times throughout the day.

If we are making a big decision, in need of money, comfort, health, anything and everything, 

I am teaching my children to turn to the Lord.

God continuously blesses my little family.

He wants to pour His blessings upon those that seek Him out, those that follow Him, those that are doing what He asks.

He wants to pour His blessings upon YOU!!

Philippians 4:19
And my God shall supply all your need
according to His riches in glory by Christ Jesus.
 

He loves us, His creation, His children, more than we can possibly imagine.

And I can't wait until I can be face to face with Jesus and feel His loving arms wrapped around me, my safe place, a place where I learned what it means to be truly loved...

A place I continually go to when I need comfort, rest and most of all peace.  

 

Isaiah 26:3

You will keep him in perfect peace,

whose mind is stayed on You,

because he trusts in You.

 

I have been asked many times over,

"How did you get through it?"

Or heard comments like,

"You are really strong."

But the truth is...
 

It wasn't me!!!!!!!!
 

All I did was focus my eyes on Jesus.

Even now...

He provides my strength... I have none!

He provides my peace... because I trust Him!

Philippians 4:13
I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.

 

It has been a long, weary road,

and is even longer still.

As long as I am walking with my Lord and Savior,

I know I will get there,

and I won't be lonely along the way!!!

 

One day I will share the whole story,

many have said I should write a book,

but not yet....

My family's story isn't finished yet!
 

God is creating beauty from these ashes!!!

Mt Shasta, CA

Where does the time go?

Wow! I can not believe it has been a month since I have posted anything! Where does the time go?  I am starting to think my dog eats it with all the rest of the scraps in this house! I have so much going on and we have been so busy with the end of school.... yikes! I have hopped onto my blogger and started several drafts, however none have been completed! Oh well... tis the life of a busy mom and her family!!

We have many changes happening around our house... and beyond.

Our wedding photo - in Maui.

my bracelet

First of all, my hubby and I celebrated our 9th anniversary this month. He took me out to an incredible dinner and bought me a beautiful Pandora bracelet. I just love the idea that he can add charms to it as the years go by. It was such an incredibly thoughtful and meaningful gift. My hubby is not a big gift giver... which is ok, because he is an incredible husband in so many other ways, so I don't mind. But when he does want to do something special - he REALLY does something special. I just love my bracelet! And a night away from the kids - well that was spectacular all by itself!

What else happened this month? Oh... let's see... we bought another new car.... and gave it back again. Not being able to get a car loan has to do with the status of our house. Since losing my income in February 2012, we have been trying to work out a loan mod with the bank. We tried Keep Your Home California, hired a mortgage counselor.... all to no avail. We just couldn't get it modified and they are proceeding with foreclosure. Feeling as though we had no other choice (since the bank waited till 3 days prior to auctioning our home to tell us we were denied!) we have decided to file bankruptcy.

taking our car back 

Not only does this affect our home situation, but we have been unable to get a car loan because we are in default of our mortgage. Doesn't matter that we can afford the payment, the banks only see that we haven't been paying for our house. Crazy how it all works, but we are just glad to be moving forward. We owed double what our house was worth, so getting out from under it will be a good thing. We really wanted to stay, but we know that God must have other plans for us because if He wanted us to stay He would have worked it all out!!

That leaves us as a one car family with my husband driving 100 miles a day to and from work in a gas guzzling truck - ouch!! ...to the tune of $200 a week in gas. Which in turn leaves me car-less. I really don't mind. I just forget that I don't have a car sometimes! This past weekend, my friend called and invited us to a BBQ. I told her sure, we'd be there in a couple of hours. When telling my kids to get ready for the BBQ, my super smart eight year old daughter says, "But Mom, how are we going to get there?" LOL Oh yeah..... I forgot again! We ended up walking. Took us 45 minutes, but hey, we go for long walks all the time.... they are just not always on busy roads. For the most part though, I have just had to become super diligent in writing my menus down and creating a thorough shopping list. Basically, I have had to become super organized! And if there is something we need right away, we live within walking distance from a major supermarket that carries anything we might need at the last minute.

....wrapped each other up like mummies!

We peeked into our Egypt study and....

Thank goodness for the end of the school year. We have this week to finish and then we are done for summer! Even though I say we are done, we still do some studying during summer. I like to do some- thing "schoolish" 2 days a week, just so we don't have to spend the first month or so doing review when we start school again in the fall. This summer we are going to study Egypt, with a few spelling and math lessons thrown in for review. Kids are super excited to study Egypt. We do mostly fun stuff in our summer studies. For example we are building a salt dough map of Egypt, making Egyptian drawings, reading novels about children that take place in ancient Egypt and cooking up some Egyptian foods. We are basing our study off of the "Greenleaf Guide to Ancient Egypt" History for the Thoughtful Child by Rob and Cyndy Shearer. We will end our study by going to the Egyptian museum in San Jose, CA. And to top it all off, I am hopeful that I can start getting school work planned for the next school year too.

To make our schedule even more hectic, I have decided to help out a friend and foster four puppies (yes, that is not a typo I really mean four!) My friend runs a dog rescue and is constantly rescuing abandoned dogs, which requires looking for foster homes. So we decided to help her out since she really needed someone. I figured - what the heck... it's summer, we are still in our house for at least a month or so and the kids will be able to help. The puppies arrive on Wednesday and we are all super excited.

I just hope that in between feeding, cleaning, washing and playing with the puppies I will have time to pack up our house! The new auction date for the house is in three weeks and then if it sells, we will find out when we have to move! So sorting, purging, packing and preparing for a garage sale will start as soon as we finish up school work this week. I really am not looking forward to moving, but I am kind of excited at the same time. My husband is dreading it. I keep saying if we end up in an apartment, at least we will have a pool for the summer! Hey - I'm always looking on the bright side and when our summers are over 100 degrees... I am always wishing for a pool! Kids and I will live in the water if we do move somewhere with a pool. Hint, hint, God, we want a pool!

As soon as the puppies arrive I will post pics with links to the rescue if anyone is interested in a puppy or with donations. Thank you for your support!

Thrifty Tip #3 Cleaning Wipes

Thrifty Tip #3

Make your own "Cleaning Wipes"

 

I have a confession.... I am a cleaner junkie! I love buying cleaners. Many women have shoe, clothing or handbag addictions. Not me! I love to buy cleaners and cleaning products. I currently own 3 vacuums, 4 different types of mops, 2 steamers and an endless supply of cleaning agents.

I guess I am on an endless hunt, searching for the latest and greatest product that will make my life easier. I just love the smell of cleaners.... except for plain bleach. That one makes me gag. There is just something in the smell of a good cleaner. I have cleaners for the bathroom, the kitchen, the floor, dusting, etc... No matter what store I am in I enjoy perusing the cleaning aisle!

There are many, many blogs, articles and more about making your own cleaners and the benefits of doing so. I have tried to make several different types of cleaners. I have been happy with some and disappointed with others. I have found that most homemade cleaners just don't clean as well or smell as good as I would prefer. I do realize that all those chemicals are not healthy for the family, and yet, I have trouble using a homemade product that just doesn't get the job done!

Being a pinterest junkie, I am constantly finding new cleaners to try or to make homemade. I came across this cleaning wipe recipe and have never looked back. If you want to read the original blog and why she chose to use these particular ingredients follow this link: Living on a Dime

For this recipe you will need:
old rags
an empty wipes container (store bought cleaning wipes or baby wipes work well)
1/4 cup rubbing alcohol
2 TB Dawn dish soap (I have found that the original blue works best for cutting grease, however if you use one of the others you can choose a fragrance)
1 cup water
container for mixing (I have found a larger size liquid measuring cup works great and makes it easier to pour)

Fill up your empty wipes container with the old rags.... just stuff as many in there as you possibly can!
Then mix the rubbing alcohol, Dawn dish soap and water. Stir gently as you don't want to create too many bubbles. After the solution is mixed, pour over rags in your wipes container. Pour SLOWLY as it will take time for the solution to soak into the rags and you don't want it to overflow all over your counter! (Ask me how I know this....) Now put the wipes in your cleaning cupboard for when you need them!

That's it! Easy, right? And they are great for cleaning just about everything!!! We use them for wiping down the bathrooms, counters, sticky spills, wiping off door handles and light switches (a chore my kids do weekly) and so much more!!!

For the most part, these are reusable. We have a bucket just for the used rags and then I wash them in HOT water and make new ones. If the job is a really gross one, such as cleaning up poop, I make sure to use one of the holy socks that are in the container and we just throw it away when we are finished.

This cleaning wipes solutions is pennies to make and yet saves you from buying the real thing which can be as much as $9.00 per container. HUGE savings!

I hope you try these cleaning wipes and love them as much as I do! 

Getting to Know Me

 

 

Recently this came through on facebook so I thought... Alright... I'll play... And I thought I'd share with you too!

These were the instructions) You've been tagged! If you are reading this, you have the honor of copying all these questions, writing your own response, and tagging 25 other "victims". You have to tag me, too. If I tagged you, it's because I want to know more about you as a friend. To do this, go to “Notes” under tabs on your profile page, paste these instructions in the body of the note, type your title as "Getting to know each other!", tag 25 people including me (tagging is done by typing in the box below labelled 'Tags:') then click 'Publish'.



What time did you get up this morning?
4:30


How do you like your steak?

Medium



What was the last film you saw at the cinema?

Men In Black 3 - last year on my birthday



What is your favorite TV show?

Game of Thrones... for now



If you could live anywhere in the world where would it be?

Maui - where we got married



What did you have for breakfast?

A KIND bar - Almond and Apricot


What is your favorite cuisine?

Mexican.... Italian.... Chineses.... American... Can't choose I like them all!



Foods you dislike?
MUSHROOMS



Favorite place to Eat?

Home - I know what is in the food



Favorite dressing?

Thousand Island



What kind of vehicle do you drive?

GMC Sierra



What are your favorite clothes?

Jeans and a Tee


Where would you visit if you had the chance?

I would love to travel across the USA



Cup 1/2 empty or 1/2 full?

Always half full



Where would you want to retire?

Maui


Favorite time of day?

First thing in the morning when no one else is up and the house is quiet!



Where were you born?

Stockton, CA - before it was bankrupt, lol



What is your favorite sport to watch?

Football



People watcher?
Absolutely!!



Are you a morning or night person?

Definitely a night owl!!!!!



Do you have any pets?

dog, cat, leopard gecko... the hamster died :0(



Any new and exciting news you'd like to share?

not really... hmmmm......



What did you want to be when you were little?

a mom


What is your best childhood memory?

Ummmmm.... hard to choose one I have so many happy memories



Are you a cat or dog person?

Cat


Are you married?

Yes... to an incredible man who treats me like I am the Queen (cuz he knows its the easiest way to get along! lol)



Always wear your seat belt?
Absolutely!!



Been in a car accident?

2 huge ones... both totaled the car... bad injuries (I was only driving in one and it wasn't my fault, the other guy ran a stop sign.)



Any pet peeves?

Oh man... people get on my nerves.. hahahaha
I think my biggest is other people's naughty children!



Favorite pizza toppings?

all meat combo - add black olives



Favorite flower?

Daffodils



Favorite ice cream?
Daquiri ice from Baskin Robins



Favorite fast food restaurant?

In N Out



How many times did you fail your driver's test?

zero



From whom did you get your last email?
The Old Schoolhouse (a homeschool publication)



Which store would you choose to max out your credit card?

The Travel Agency... or a scrapbook store if travel doesn't count!



Do anything spontaneous lately?

yup



Like your job?

My job is raising some incredible children to be of good character and faith in Christ



Like Broccoli?

Yum



What was your favorite vacation?

Honeymoon in Maui



Last person you went out to dinner with?

husband



What are you listening to right now?

my 2 year old playing with his cars


What is your favorite color?

Purple



How many tattoos do you have?
zero - just not for me



Coffee drinker?

Can you start my IV now?

Have you considered signing this petition?

Maybe you have heard this story already or maybe you haven't.

Maybe you agree or maybe you don't.

My fellow homeschooling families... it is of super importance that you consider signing this petition. Please take the time to follow the link and read about this German homeschooling family that the U.S. government is trying to deport.

There are many home schooling families that have not signed thinking it has nothing to do with them... but this could affect all of us. Please follow the link and consider signing. The easy to follow instructions are also on the link.

Help the Romeike Family


As of the time I am writing this blog, we need 12,700 more signatures with only 10 more days to go.

To those of you that have already signed, thank you!

Avoidance (AKA procrastination)

As of right now, I am doing everything possible to avoid cleaning the hall bathroom. I have found so many things to do around the house... none of them necessary. I have also read the kids extra stories, we did a science experiment that wasn't in the plans, checked my emails, posted on facebook, looked some things up on the internet, wrote in my blog, made a bigger lunch than normal... the list goes on and on. But in the back of my mind, my conscience keeps nagging at me, "Get that bathroom done already!"

My sister, her two boys and baby girl came and stayed with us last week. Let me tell you, with three boys, that bathroom is a mess! Moms, of boys, you know my pain. Pee dribbling down the side of the toilet or missing it altogether. Boys and bathrooms equal messy! Then after they left, we were all sick, and then so busy running around I never had time to get in there to clean it. Or maybe that was just more avoidance....

Can I blame this one on my Mom? My job growing up was to clean the bathrooms and now I completely detest it! Yes Mom, I know, I can't blame everything on you! Hee hee! Maybe it's because I am sort of a germ freak, so when I do clean the bathroom I always feel like I need a shower. I know... wack-o! At least I admit it!

I don't know why I procrastinate about certain things so much. Once they are done, I feel so accomplished... like a weight has been lifted. I spend more time avoiding the work than just getting it done and over with. Hmmmm.... sounds like something I tell my kids!

All right already...

I am off to clean the bathroom...



Unless something else distracts me along the way...


As a matter of fact, I think it's time to start dinner...